It being nearly the end of January (a time when I have traditionally learned to stop writing “2005” on my checks before saying “aw shit” and using my mad calligraphy skills to turn the ‘5’ into a top-heavy ‘6’) we are already more or less 1/12th of the way through the year, so any “2005 round ups” I had planned should probably be scrapped at this point. But I’m nothing if not a persevering (and slightly belligerent) procrastinator, so for the purposes of this entry any exclamations that 2005 is long over will be met with a blank stare from me.
One of the many reasons why I started an online diary was to be able to keep track of stuff. But that was back when I had optimistically believed that I’d be updating it a lot more often than I actually do. The daily ins and outs of life make for good online diary fodder if one indeed updates daily. But when you tend to write an entry once or twice a week and consider that “a roll,” the daily stuff just looks pathetic. (Oddly enough, it’s the daily stuff that attracts me to a lot of my favorite online diaries. As any college English major will tell you if asked, it’s the daily stuff that can not only end up being called literature one day, but can even stand, centuries later, as the cornerstone by which history is studied—just look at how often the diary of Samuel Pepys [pronounced “Peeps,” by the way, which makes him even more fun to talk about] is invoked in cross-disciplinary graduate programs across the Western hemisphere and you’ll have an idea of what I mean. But unlike Pepys [whose typical sign-off at the end of most entries was “And to bed,” which still makes me laugh even 10 years after studying his work ad nauseam] or some of my favorite contemporary online diarists, I just don’t have the discipline to write every day.)
Anyway, my point is that I tend to shy away from the more mundane aspects of life. But a retrospective? That’s completely different!
So without further ado, here is a brief list of all the first-run movies I saw in 2005 (in chronological order):
Ice Princess - I first mentioned this movie here. Lap totally disagrees with my take on this movie, but as the mother of the cutest kids on earth (who are presumably at that age where they want to be ice skaters/dancers/astronauts and thus get really excited about movies like this) she is more firmly in the movie’s proposed demographic than I am—despite my insane love for Sasha Cohen. It is, after all, a Disney movie. The movie definitely had its upsides. Like Michelle Trachtenberg. And, uhhh.... Well, shit. I’m pretty sure there was something else. Guess I’ll have to watch it again.
Sin City - I first mentioned this movie here. I think I am, just now, over the intense feeling of all-consuming dread it gave me as the “Yellow Bastard” story commenced, so I’m prepared to see it again and see if I have the same reaction this time around. Probably won’t, which is a good thing. I’m also interested to see if the extended version (released on DVD after they’d already released a “regular edition” DVD some months before) is better than the theatrical version, or if it would just heighten the level of anxiety I experience when watching the movie. We’ll see....
Fever Pitch - I love Drew Barrymore. I used to love her a whole lot more (and there is a long and boring diary entry brewing in my mind concerning my one-sided love affair with Drew, but that’s a story for another time), but I still find her intriguing onscreen and a bit of an enigma in “real” life. For as much as I enjoyed Jimmy Fallon on SNL (particularly as the co-anchor of Weekend Update with the lovely Tina Fey—who needs a new partner because Amy Poehler has no sense of timing), I’m afraid his career already reached its zenith and we’re in for a lot of movies starring him that just shouldn’t have been made. Nonetheless, his chemistry with Drew was genuine and as such it worked well as a decent romantic comedy. I never would’ve guessed it’s a Farrelly Brothers movie, though.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - I loved Douglas Adams’s books when I was in middle school and vividly remember laughing out loud (which I don’t do often while reading) more than once. I’d even share certain passages with my younger brother who didn’t think they were nearly as funny as I did (probably because he didn’t get enough context, since he and I have always had nearly identical senses of humor). But I haven’t ready any of Adams’s work in years, so I don’t know if I found the movie only marginally humorous because my sense of humor has changed, or because Adams’s brand of humor doesn’t translate well once it’s lifted off the printed page. Martin Freeman did a peerless job as Arthur Dent (and really, how could you expect any less from the guy who played the beleaguered and nonplussed Tim in The Office?), Mos Def was surprisingly good as Ford Prefect (and by “surprisingly” I mean “Wow, I thought this guy was going to suck eggs!”), and Sam Rockwell is good in anything he does so his mastery of Zaphod was to be expected. But the movie itself fell flat, mostly. Perhaps it’s a story that benefits from all the ridiculous backstory of various alien (i.e., human) absurdities that take the form of endless bureaucratic merry-go-rounds, interpersonal insensitivities, and general cluelessness, of which you can include very little in a visual (and abbreviated) medium like film.
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith - I first mentioned this movie here. My opinion hasn’t changed at all, which isn’t surprising to me. And here’s some reinforcement: Despite hating every Star Wars prequel, I nonetheless bought the first and second ones on DVD as soon as they were released. This third one, which is certainly the best of the three (which of course isn’t saying much), and which has been out on DVD for a few months now, still hasn’t been bought by me. And every time I see it in Best Buy I’ll pick it up, stare at the back cover for a few seconds, then put it back on the shelf. I just don’t have the energy to put myself through it again. Fuck you, George Lucas! (It’s sad how I feel almost obligated to end with a dig at ol’ George anytime I mention him in this diary anymore...)
Batman Begins - I first mentioned this movie here. I didn’t think I’d want to see it again after seeing it in theaters, but this one’s creeping back onto my radar screen. It was definitely missing something (though I don’t know what) and it also included a few things I definitely could’ve done without (*cough* Katie Holmes! *cough*) but it was still a good take on the Batman mythos. Particularly the early scenes.
Bewitched - I first mentioned this movie here. Unlike Batman Begins, I’m pretty sure I’m never going to want to watch Bewitched again. It was merely so-so, not having much to offer in the way of either laughs or a creative take on an “old classic” (in the way that the excellent Brady Bunch movies, for example, poked fun at the various quirks present in their source material). Will Ferrell needs to step it up.
Fantastic Four - I first mentioned this movie here. I’ll admit I’m kind of interested in seeing this one again, too. Not because of Jessica Alba (I know! I’m as shocked as you are) or because I’ve revised my original opinion and now think it’s a spectacular superhero movie, but because of Chris Evans’s energetic performance as Johnny Storm. He made the movie fun, plain and simple.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - I first mentioned this movie here. Tim Burton is currently working on a biopic of Ripley, as in “Ripley’s Believe It or Not.” Need I say more? The man has lost what little edge he had back in the days of Beetle Juice and Mars Attacks!. And I have no idea why he’s so stuck on directing remakes recently. You know what I’d love to see? I’d love to see Tim Burton direct a remake of Black Sunday and get back to his roots. Now that would be a weird movie....
The Wedding Crashers - I first mentioned this movie here. It has occurred to me that many of Vince Vaughn’s films are completely disposable. He plays the same dude in every single movie, so why bother checking out his latest, right? I’d also like to reiterate that this movie committed the cardinal sin of misusing the freakiest man alive, Christopher Walken.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith - It’s been pretty clear to me all along why Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie, but this movie just made his reasons all that much more vivid. Jennifer’s film output is pretty sad, and that’s putting it mildly. What does she have to offer? Rumor Has It... and Rock Star (though I will hold judgment on Derailed until I’ve seen it because whether it’s actually good or not, Clive Owen is one serious badass). Meanwhile, Angelina Jolie’s starred in.... Well, okay, never mind. Her movies tend to suck even more than Jennifer’s but still! Anyway, my favorite thing about Mr. and Mrs. Smith was definitely Adam Brody (a.k.a. Seth Cohen on The O.C.) sporting a Fight Club T-shirt while getting punched in the head by Angelina Jolie. Cute.
Must Love Dogs - I first mentioned this movie here. Probably the worst movie I have ever seen in a theater. Not counting Godzilla (the Matthew Broderick version).
The Dukes of Hazzard - I first mentioned this movie here. What a dumb, dumb movie. But man, that car is awesome. Ta dah.
Serenity - I first mentioned this movie here. Not much more to say, except that I’m disappointed it didn’t do well enough to necessarily warrant a sequel and/or a revival of the television show. But at least it launched Joss Whedon out of small-screen entertainment and into big-screen entertainment. I can’t wait to see his take on Wonder Woman.
Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit - If I’m being honest, this is the best movie I saw all year. It was both hilarious and oddly thrilling at times. It was so funny, in fact, that the “nuts” gag near the end made me laugh so hard I nearly fell out of my chair. Disney should take notes.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - I still like the books better than the films, but this movie had two things going for it. (a) It wasn’t directed by Chris “I’m only slightly less boring a filmmaker than Ron Howard” Columbus, and (b) it was funny enough that I felt like the franchise finally felt comfortable breaking out of the books a bit. And that’s key for any adaptation. Those kids sure don’t look 14 anymore, though.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - I’m glad this movie exists for one reason only, and this is that reason. I wasn’t a big fan of the Narnia books as a kid (my favorite was The Horse and His Boy, but I never even read Voyage of the Dawn Treader or The Last Battle) so I have no opinion on how faithful or unfaithful it was to the book. On the contrary, I felt as if it were too faithful. It was very serious and very methodical and not very much fun. The kids weren’t bad, but they weren’t good either. And Aslan looked too much like a real lion, which may seem like an idiotic criticism but I recall his look in the cartoon version (circa 1979) as much more empathetic and relatable. He is, after all, a talking lion.
King Kong - The last movie I saw in 2005, and one I had been looking forward to practically since 2004. I think mcearstix put it best when she said “were you in a situation that you casually watch, you would be stricken, panic penetrating your entrails. films allow us to separate ourselves from empathy, with sympathy, to view violence as glamorous and alluring.” It took forever for this movie to get going, and by the time it “got there” I felt completely disconnected from what was happening onscreen. Ultimately, King Kong (the gorilla, not the movie as a whole) made me cry twice, but neither instance occurred at a time when he was fighting or being shot at or even when he died. My absolute favorite scene was the Central Park scene, in which King Kong experiences ice for the first time. I think the rest of the theater was groaning and pleading for the action to resume (we were, after all, approaching hour number three), but I wish there had been more moments like that.
And so, to wrap up, here were my top five favorite movies of 2005:
(1) Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
(2) Serenity
(3) Sin City
(4) King Kong
(5) Batman Begins
I’d tell you which were my least favorite, but it probably goes without saying, huh? (Screw you, George Lucas!)
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